LOVE vrs MONEY; How Money Has Become the New Currency in Love Relationships
In the past two weeks, I have been a guest on VIASAT 1’s morning show This Morning on two occasions. The object of the show was to discuss, among other things, the inordinate pressure on today’s young men to make money to please their women. In the weeks preceding these interviews, my comments on this subject on social media received widespread affirmation especially from young men. Obviously, this is a real issue that needs some attention. It appears that money has become the new currency in love relationships these days and the good old ingredient called love has been pushed to the back burner.
A number of young women will only date or marry young men who have money. People have humorously captured it as a shift from Amakye Dede’s “Dabi dabi ebe ye yie” to Daddy Lumba’s “Aben wo ha”. To wit, the young women are uninterested in young men who are now building their future.
It is important to reiterate that love is not a business. As useful as money is to the success of a relationship, it should not be the common denominator. A boyfriend or girlfriend is not the World Bank or the IMF. You don’t go and pick someone’s son or daughter so you can get financial bailout. If money is what you want, get a job or start a business. Young men must understand that it is futile to attempt to keep a woman with your money. If the reason she is with you is because you have money then someone else with more money can easily take her away from you.
If you buy a woman’s love with your money, you will never know if she truly loves you and you will be under perpetual pressure to make more money to keep her. And in this life, you can never guarantee that you will always be financially stable. There is likely to be hard times. If a woman doesn’t want you for who you are but for your money, do you think she will stay during the hard times?
It is important to reiterate that love is not a business. As useful as money is to the success of a relationship, it is should not be the common denominator. A boyfriend or girlfriend is not the World Bank or the IMF. You don’t go and pick someone’s son or daughter so you can get financial bailout. If money is what you want, get a job or start a business.
If you are in your 20’s or 30’s, you are either still in school or at the beginning of your career. If a woman makes your having money a condition for their being with you, don’t sweat it. Just walk away. Walk away, massa! It will hurt. You will cry. But you won’t die. Let her go. She has no place in your future. If she can’t handle your poverty, then she can’t handle your prosperity. If you are patient, you will find someone who believes in your potential and will stick with you till you hit your fortune. There is a sizeable population of down to earth young women who aren’t motivated by money and the greed for material possessions. If you are careful and prayerful, you will find one. You don’t have to allow any woman to hold you to ransom.
If you are a young woman, you need to realize that only a handful of young men are legitimately rich in their 20’s or 30’s. Most are now building their careers or businesses. Only a few came into money early due to a business they started early or wealth they inherited. If he inherited the money, what’s the guarantee that he can sustain it? Will there always be money? Can he guarantee that? For the most part, most young men with lots of money in our part of the world obtained it illegally. And you should be careful not to tie yourself to a disaster waiting to happen.
Then again, as significant as money is to a relationship, it is not the common denominator of relationship or marital success. What truly determines whether a relationship or marriage succeeds is character, compatibility, communication among other things. So don’t be blinded so much by a man’s pocket that you don’t consider his posture towards life and relationships. No matter how much money there is, if you are abused or disrespected you will not be happy. Before you even think about money, think character. Think respect. Think love.
A man’s potential is even significant to your future with him than his pocket. You need to consider if he is really working towards a great future. Does he have an overarching vision for his life? What is his work ethic? Can he make it? Don’t let the need for present security blind you from the possibility of future prosperity.
The best thing you can do for your man is to believe in him, encourage him, push him and challenge him to rise to the apex of his potential not by exerting pressure but by expressing confidence in his abilities.
Ultimately, you must keep in mind that the person you marry may not be beautiful or rich by the standards of the world, but what matters most is if he or she can make your life beautiful and peaceful.