The Greatest Mistake People Make In Love Relationships
The cold air of the evening attacked their skins like the sea waves bashed at rocks. But they didn’t care. They were in love and loving it. The horns and the noise from the cars that rushed past them was not enough to muffle the beating of their hearts as they walked hand in hand discussing the future with the enthusiasm that new lovers are notorious for. Kwabena looked passionately at the woman whose hands he held and knew he would love her forever. Naa Kordey was everything he ever hoped for. The beauty of her body and the fairness of her skin was just the iceberg’s tip. That comeliness was underpinned by a robust mind and spirit kindled by a hot fire of ambition. And above all, she loved God. What more could he have asked for?
“Baby, I don’t want to ever be without you”,Kwabena said with the choking of a man caught in a spasm. “How can you ever be without me when we are already one flesh?” she responded looking deeply into his eyes. They hugged and kissed and it seemed the whole had come to a standstill.
But that was four months ago. Now the couple are in an unpalatable season of conflict. It all began when Agyeiwaa started losing her temper frequently with Kwabena. She would yell at him at the least provocation and throw tantrums over issues that Kwabena thought did not merit such responses. The jokes that used to make her laugh weren’t achieving their objective anymore. The boy lover was at first surprised and thought that his girlfriend was having a bad season. It will pass, he said to himself. After four weeks of such behavior, Kwabena had had enough. He started losing his temper too. He stopped all the little acts of love and affection he used to do for Agyeiwaa. Now he would also get upset over small issues. He had become fed up, bitter and vindictive. The cycle continued for two months and in the third month of the conflict and the seventh month of the relationship, they broke up. The lovers who had sworn to never be without each other had separated.
The greatest mistake people make in love relationships is that when their partners start misbehaving or making a string of poor choices they become fed up, bitter and vindictive. They start retaliating and hurting their partner. They stop loving them. They discontinue the things that they used to do to show affection. A relationship doesn’t die when one partner starts misbehaving. It starts to die when the other partner joins the fray and starts misbehaving too.
When your partner becomes terrible to be with, you shouldn’t also become terrible. That’s when you need to be strong, caring and loving. It is easy to be loving when everything is alright. It is easy to be affectionate in the first few months of passion. It is easy to love when all is going well. But that’s really not love or at best it is the superficial part of it. Love is what you do in the tough times. And the tough times come to test how deep-rooted your love is.
The “lovey dovey” feelings we have do not represent the entirety of love. Love is a call to the highest level of character development. 1 Corinthians 13 lists the elements that constitute love “4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.” (Emphasis mine)
So the next time your lover starts making you go nuts, remember the above. We can all become great lovers if we commit to developing our character.